Turn Your Name Into a Face - Susannah

Turn Your Name Into a Face - Susannah

This is funny. Mine is sure ugly. I have a huge nose on here. What does your look like?

Open Adoptions

So....my adoption of my older two children was finalized this week! Whew! I am so relieved and I am happy to think that no one can ever take them away from me again. However, it was an open adoption since they were our family and there wasn't really any way to make it a closed adoption. This puts dilemmas in front of me. We have a written agreement with their birth mother to see her twice a year and update twice a year so basically contact 4 times a year and then she gets to call once a month and talk to the kids. I am trying to make myself friendly about this because I think that alienating her will only backfire on me with the kids in the end anyway and because I have this agreement, I will have to deal with her for at least another 14 years of my life. That's a long time to deal with people you aren't friendly with. So the first problem is...I'm jealous. I don't like when the kids hug her or touch her or call her Mommy or anything. That sounds petty but your heart just gets all bunched up and you only want to hate her a whole lot during those moments. I'm not willing to leave my kids alone with her yet, so any suggestions on how to deal? Also, she also has another younger son now and I would like for my children to have a relationship with their half-brother which would necessitate more contact also. Any suggestions?

This brings me to my next problem. Their birth father is actually the one that is our family (my husbands cousin) and he is the one that will be at our family functions. He also happens to be the one that I did NOT make a written agreement with because he would only use it against me in the end. He is a control freak and also a little bit bipolar, if I don't miss my guess. However, he is charming and safe with the kids when he hasn't turned that mindset on where he is only seeing angry. We weren't allowed to have him see the kids while DHS still had custody of the kids (while they were living at my house as foster children) because they wouldn't let him see them. However, he knows we got the adoption papers this week and he already is pressuring me about when he will be able to see them. Now, he hasn't seen them in about a year and a half and I don't want to rush it. However, my husband also is asking me when and where I am going to let this happen. Does anyone have more experience with this than me? I can't totally shut him out, we're family. I also don't want the kids to have as much contact with him as I am sure that he wants. What do you think? My kids are 6 and 4 and I also have a 1 year old son that has completely been raised as the other two's brother and will have to be included in any visits. Any suggestions? My brain is racked with possible terrible things happening (mainly mentally in my kids minds).

What am I doing?

I live in a world where its not ok for me to do what I want and raise my kids the way I want. Isn't the way we raise the next generation of kids the most important thing in the whole world? I'm not talking about silly people that don't vaccinate their children (although your choice affects everyone, so thanks - not), I'm talking about the person that is naturally the better parent (whether that be the mother or the father) and wants to stay home, can. We should make that possible on a social services basis, at least before the child starts school and even after that they really aren't gone more than 6.5 hours or so. I'm tired of coming home and seeing my kids for 3 hours a night and having to do a ton of things in the 6 hour mad dash from when I get home to when I get in bed. Why do I have so much stuff to do? Why aren't there more supports for parents, especially younger ones, especially in schools. If they actually wanted parents to come, there would be a whole hell of a lot more support!!!! Just a rant - sorry. I'm tired.

I want more kids

I know you think I'm crazy. I'm going to law school and I have three beautiful children that I love more than anything and are lots of work. But I want more kids. I wish that I could have Kaitlin and Jordan's siblings that are in care. I wish I could have another baby. I want a whole mess of children running around the house. When I was a child, I didn't think that I was ever going to want kids. But once we got Kaitlin and Jordan, I realized that I love being a parent. I don't know if I am ever going to want to stop having children. I love taking them to fun kid things. I love playing with them in their playroom. I love watching kid movies and having tickle wars and having them love me. Does that make me selfish? I don't want to have more kids for their sake, I want to have more kids for my sake. I love pumpkin patches and Halloween. I love Christmas and gingerbread houses. My husband does not want more kids. He has valid points. 3 kids is plenty. Kids are expensive. He isn't naturally suited to having a lot of children. More children means using more of the Earth's resources. But I feel like maybe later this might be a deal breaker even though I knew going into our marriage that he only wanted one child. He was the one who compromised and gave me three. But am I going to be able to get over my feelings about it? How quickly do I need to make a decision? Before I'm 30? 40? When will it be too late? I love Tony and I have no desire to leave him. He is a good father and a great husband to me. But I want more kids and he doesn't. Is that it? How many times can we have the same conversation? It's not like we haven't communicated about it, we have. I just want more kids and he doesn't. When will I find peace about it?

Awesome OMSI information!

For everyone reading that lives in the Portland, OR area, I just wanted to tell everyone that until March 1st, 2009, every first Sunday of the month is $2 admission day at OMSI. THis is a SWEET deal considering that tickets generally run a pretty steep $7-$9. It doesn't seem like much until you are paying for a family of 5 and then they want to go see a movie in the OMNIMAX. All y'all should go. There are exhibits for everyone and I hear the science playground for kids under the age of 6 rocks! Plus, I really want to go and go through the featured exhibit Mindbender Mansion that is leaving Nov 11th!

http://www.omsi.edu/

Weird kid saying for the day!

Jordan says to me this morning on the way to school, "Mom, God can't drive." I said, "Why not?" He replied, "Because he is REALLY old, almost as old as you, and he can't see anymore."

Thanks honey for the moral boost at 8 am in the morning!

Guilt

To all the working moms out there - why do you do what you do? I read an article the other day about a book coming out that advises women on how to help their husbands with their careers. Now, my initial reaction to this was one of outrage! I mean, how dare they imply that we would rather help our husbands with their careers than have our own?!?! And then I thought, well to each her own, I suppose. But really what comes over me is that everyone wants to spend more time with their family - including Dads. However, just in my very unofficial polling, I have found that really more moms feel the guilt and would like to stay home more of the time than dads do. I'm not saying this is across the board, but generally speaking. Also, if the person would like to stay home more with their family, women are more likely to want to not have a job at all as opposed to men that actually do want to stay working, just less hours. Mind you, this is my very unofficial scientific research. I feel guilty admitting that really I wish that my husband was more motivated career wise so that I could stay home and raise the kids until they were older. I feel guilty wanting to say that to him. I feel guilty wanting to say that to the world. Why should I have to feel guilty? I already feel guilty when I leave my baby in the morning sobbing because he wants me, I already feel guilty when I have to tell them that I just don't have time to play with them right that second because I have to work.

Guilt is the strongest emotion in the world, I think. I don't think it is the most passionate feeling, but I think in the long-term it can make you do things that no other emotion can. Why as people can we not say that we want to stay home with our children? What is wrong with that? Why are people so angry about it? Do they think that when you stay home, you just lay around all day? Anyway, that's my rant for today. I just feel guilty today.