I want more kids

I know you think I'm crazy. I'm going to law school and I have three beautiful children that I love more than anything and are lots of work. But I want more kids. I wish that I could have Kaitlin and Jordan's siblings that are in care. I wish I could have another baby. I want a whole mess of children running around the house. When I was a child, I didn't think that I was ever going to want kids. But once we got Kaitlin and Jordan, I realized that I love being a parent. I don't know if I am ever going to want to stop having children. I love taking them to fun kid things. I love playing with them in their playroom. I love watching kid movies and having tickle wars and having them love me. Does that make me selfish? I don't want to have more kids for their sake, I want to have more kids for my sake. I love pumpkin patches and Halloween. I love Christmas and gingerbread houses. My husband does not want more kids. He has valid points. 3 kids is plenty. Kids are expensive. He isn't naturally suited to having a lot of children. More children means using more of the Earth's resources. But I feel like maybe later this might be a deal breaker even though I knew going into our marriage that he only wanted one child. He was the one who compromised and gave me three. But am I going to be able to get over my feelings about it? How quickly do I need to make a decision? Before I'm 30? 40? When will it be too late? I love Tony and I have no desire to leave him. He is a good father and a great husband to me. But I want more kids and he doesn't. Is that it? How many times can we have the same conversation? It's not like we haven't communicated about it, we have. I just want more kids and he doesn't. When will I find peace about it?